Micah: The Good Girl Read online

  TO BELLA. SHINE BRIGHT, BABY GIRL—AW

  PENGUIN WORKSHOP

  An Imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, New York

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  Text copyright © 2020 by Ashwin Writing LLC. Illustrations copyright © 2020 by Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. Published by Penguin Workshop, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. PENGUIN and PENGUIN WORKSHOP are trademarks of Penguin Books Ltd, and the W colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Visit us online at www.penguinrandomhouse.com.

  Cover illustration by Zharia Shinn

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  ISBN 9780593096048 (pbk)

  ISBN 9780593096055 (hc)

  ISBN 9780593096062 (ebook)

  pid_prh_5.5.0_c0_r0

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Copyright

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  About the Author

  Flashing red lights. The piercing scream of a siren. The sharp smell of rubber and asphalt. The polluted New York air was thick with humidity and it wasn’t even July yet.

  The ambulance Micah Dupree heard was trying to make its way past her, on to some emergency. But even though she remained perfectly safe, Micah couldn’t stop sweating. Her pulse was racing and her chest felt tight. The ambulance would have normally sped by in seconds, but the bumper-to-bumper traffic on Canal Street kept the siren blaring loudly in the same spot for several long minutes.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears, but she could still hear the high-pitched noise of it. The sound reminded her of a day she was always trying to forget.

  She attempted to slow her breathing, but nothing worked. She bent forward and focused on the laces in her shoes, but her eyes kept blurring with tears. Micah couldn’t breathe. It felt like she might die.

  “You good?” some stranger asked when she dropped her bag and staggered to sit on the closest curb.

  “Uh-huh,” Micah mumbled.

  She reached for her phone with sweaty hands. She needed to call Ty, to hear his calm, reassuring voice, but he still didn’t know about her panic attacks. Micah worried that he wouldn’t feel the same way about her if he knew, so for now she wanted to keep them a secret. She typed out a message to Noelle Lee. She was almost certain her friend would be working at her grandparents’ nearby restaurant. Noelle was the only member of the Flyy Girls, and really the only person period, who she trusted with the truth.

  It’s happening, Micah typed. Can you come?

  Noelle texted back instantly. You’re sooo lucky. Mei just came in for her shift, so I should be able to sneak away. Where you at?

  Minutes later, Noelle sat down beside Micah on the curb and handed her a bottle of water. She lifted Micah’s hand and put it on her chest, and told her to breathe.

  “In and out,” Noelle said. “Yeah, just like that. It’s okay. Slower. Breathe with me. It’s all right, don’t cry. You’re doing so good.”

  When it finally ended, it felt like the panic attack hadn’t even happened. Now Micah couldn’t stop laughing at Noelle’s story about the family who came into the restaurant with a baby who pooped through his onesie and knocked over an untouched order of chow fun.

  But because she lived in New York City, Micah knew the next ambulance (and the next attack) could be right around the corner, literally. She still felt a little on edge all the time.

  It made her paranoid. It made her want a different brain and body. But she knew that wasn’t possible, so she was trying to cope with what she had.

  Micah hadn’t always felt like this. But last summer changed everything. Now the sound of an emergency vehicle made her freak out. If it passed her quickly enough, she’d just get sweaty palms or shake a bit, feeling weak in the knees. But if not—if she and the ambulance had to spend any time sharing the same space—she panicked.

  “Are they happening less, at least?” Noelle asked.

  “They had been, but ever since it started getting hot out, it’s been reminding me more of the day it happened.”

  Noelle nodded. “That makes sense. You still seeing that doctor?”

  “Every Tuesday,” Micah said.

  “Is it helping?”

  “Not sure.”

  “Yeah. Therapy helped Pierre a little. But he still has them if he gets too overwhelmed.”

  This was why Micah always called Noelle when her body went haywire. Noelle’s little brother deals with anxiety, so panic attacks didn’t freak her out like they would Tobyn. And Micah thought Lux might just tell her to pull it together. Micah’s parents didn’t even like admitting she had anxiety issues—they ignored it, and so she tried to, too. But Noelle knew exactly how to help.

  “On your way to work?” Noelle asked, and Micah nodded. “Gonna see Ty?” she asked next, kinda singing the words. Micah couldn’t help but grin, but then Noelle’s face turned serious. “He know about these? Or about the fact that they’re happening more lately?”

  Micah didn’t want to think about next month’s anniversary. It hovered over this whole summer like a cloud threatening rain. She didn’t want to talk about it with Noelle, and she definitely didn’t want to tell Ty. He knew about what happened last summer, but she didn’t want him to know she couldn’t hear a siren without losing it.

  “No. I don’t want to bother him with all the drama.” She had something more important on her mind when it came to Ty, anyway.

  Noelle shrugged, opened her bag, and handed Micah what looked like a small yellow pie. The sweet egg tart with a flaky crust was Micah’s favorite Chinese dessert.

  “Well, for now,” Noelle said, “keep calm and eat daan taat.”

  Micah grinned and grabbed the pastry. “Whatever you say.”

  * * *

  Miraculously, after she thanked Noelle for coming to her rescue, Micah made it to church without another incident. Triumphant Kingdom A.M.E. Church was the only place Micah could spend any real time other than school. She attended service every Sunday, Bible study every Wednesday, and sometimes went to a prayer service or two during the rest of the week. So the church-run camp was the only place her parents would ever hear of her working in the summer. Her boyfriend, Ty, went to the same church and worked at the camp, too. She couldn’t wait to see him. When she spotted the back of his head through one of the stained-glass windows, she took the steps two at a time up to the front door.

  Since they’d first discovered they could get away with it, she and Tyriq Valentine had risked sneaking into the church’s back parking lot to make out while the littlest campers took their naps. They were supposed to be on their “lunch break,” but the only thing they tasted when they stole away for the hour was each other.

  If they were ever found out, it would not go well. For one,
they were both well known enough at the church that their parents would definitely hear about it. Whether the news came through gossiping church members or from a church elder telling her mom and dad directly, Micah could imagine her mother’s stern tsks and her father’s disapproving frown followed by a quick and severe punishment. And since they were supposed to be working, doing anything that wasn’t work—and making out definitely counted as not work—might even get them fired. Maybe worst of all, they both wore promise rings—silver bands they’d been given two years ago when they promised during a Sunday service to wait to have sex until they were married. Making out in a back parking lot wasn’t sex, of course, but Micah knew from experience that church folks had a way of jumping to conclusions. Micah couldn’t imagine being caught, so she tried to be careful.

  The only problem? Ty Valentine was an excellent kisser, and Micah sometimes found herself being a little more reckless. Today, for instance, she touched his face when she thought no one would see. She’d been so relieved to hear his soft voice after the morning she’d had that she couldn’t help it. A few hours later, she slipped her finger into his back pocket and yanked him closer to her while the campers were lining up to walk to a nearby playground for recess. And when naptime for the youngest kids at camp came around, she grabbed and held on to his hand before they’d even made it to the church’s side door.

  Ty used his hands a lot when they kissed, which Micah loved. He cupped her cheeks and held the back of her neck, and he never reached for her hair because he knew better.

  He was the only boy she’d ever kissed, and secretly Micah hoped he’d be the only one forever. She couldn’t imagine feeling this way about anyone other than Ty, whose pretty skin was the color of bread crusts, just a hair lighter than her own. He bit her bottom lip a little, and she smiled without breaking contact and kissed him harder. In that moment, she felt a tug on her heart and in her body. She might want to do more with Ty Valentine than kiss him. And soon.

  “Do you think . . . ,” Micah started saying with some hesitation in her voice, “that abstinence makes sense?” She asked this as soon as Ty broke their kiss, and gave her a chance to catch her breath. “Like, do you think it’s realistic for kids like us?”

  Ty looked a bit surprised, but this kind of talk wasn’t coming out of nowhere for her. During their makeout sessions, they often got into debates about different things. Sometimes they talked about music, politics, or which new TV show was best. And often they talked about stuff like this: the rules they were supposed to follow and what they really thought about it all.

  “You’ve been thinking about this for a while, haven’t you?” Ty said. He snaked his arm around her hip and tugged her closer.

  “Maybe,” Micah muttered. The truth was, she’d been thinking about this since she had her first crush at twelve or thirteen. Even then she could imagine the fluttery feeling in her stomach growing into something like love. She’d been thinking about it more often since last year, when Ty and his family first came to Triumphant Kingdom. When he smiled at her for the first time a few months ago during Communion, and then asked her out right after the service ended, she had so many questions. How did one date and not kiss? How did one kiss and not do more than that? Ty promised he’d keep their relationship a secret after she told him she wasn’t exactly allowed to date, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what it might mean to love someone and how she might want to show it. And now that she’d fallen hard and fast for Ty this summer, the questions had turned into something firm enough to say out loud.

  “I guess I’ve been feeling like some of the stuff Pastor Bridges talks about isn’t as black and white as he’d like us to think it is. Like maybe there’re shades of gray to all of this.”

  “Even abstinence?” Ty asked.

  “Especially abstinence. Like, do you know anyone who stayed a virgin until they got married other than the weirdos on those reality TV shows who kiss for the first time during their wedding ceremonies?”

  Ty laughed. “I guess not. But I think the waiting is about more than just following some random rule. I think it’s about sacrifice and discipline, and showing God you love and respect Him and His Word more than the things your body wants.”

  She loved that he never immediately agreed with her about anything.

  “Sure, okay. But what if it’s not only something my body wants? Isn’t this—sex—supposed to be about love?”

  Ty smirked and nodded. “So, what exactly are you saying?”

  Micah swallowed hard. All that stuff about lust and sex and sin they learned about in church didn’t feel like it applied to her and Ty. Plus, she wanted this. She wanted him.

  “I guess I’m saying I love you. And I’m not sure I want to wait.”

  Ty grinned. He reached for and held both her hands. “Look, you know I’ve loved you since the day we met,” Ty said. “But this is a big risk, Micah. And while I would definitely be down, I don’t want us to regret it. Or to get caught.”

  Micah laughed. “Okay,” she said, nodding. She got up on her tiptoes and pushed her lips against his again. “We’ll plan it all out, every detail. And I’ll think about it a little more, too.”

  “Even if you decide you really want to do this, shouldn’t we wait a little while, anyway? Didn’t the accident happen around this time last year?”

  Micah’s nostrils flared as she thought about ambulances and Noelle and last summer.

  “Shut up and kiss me,” she said. And Ty listened.

  “Do we have to talk about this now? It’s summer,” Tobyn Wolfe whined.

  Lux Lawson was painting Micah’s nails while Tobyn lounged on Lux’s living room couch. Micah liked hanging out over here specifically because Lux’s little sister was so cute. It also helped that Lux’s stepmom gave them the kind of space Micah’s parents never would, and Lux’s dad was almost never home.

  So far, Micah’s thumbs were green, her pinkies were pink, and her pointer fingers were yellow. Only Lux painted nails this way—silently, and from the outside in.

  “I just have no idea what to paint for this project,” Micah said, talking about the assignment every student at Augusta Savage School of the Arts had to complete the summer before their senior year. “We still have a few weeks to figure something out, but still. It needs to be perfect.”

  Tobyn rolled her eyes and turned up the music on her phone. “You always say that,” she said. “But nothing is ever perfect, boo, sorry to tell ya.”

  “Easy for you to say,” Micah said. “You write songs, like, all the time. You just have to pick one. Plus you have a pro musician for a sister to help you!”

  Tobyn shrugged. “Devyn probably won’t help me, if you want to know the truth. She hated high school and all the assignments. I doubt she’d volunteer to dive back in.”

  “Still, it’ll be easier for you than me. And mine needs to be perfect,” Micah insisted. “Help me out. You got any ideas I can steal?”

  “Nope. My brain is officially off for the summer. But are we talking about your art project because you don’t want to talk about the anniversary?”

  Lux selected a bottle of glittery orange nail polish from her collection and stroked it over the nails on both of Micah’s ring fingers. She looked up at Micah when she finished a second coat. “Damn, I’m good,” Lux said, talking about the manicure. Micah smiled, but she still hadn’t answered Tobyn’s question.

  “What’s Noelle doing? I thought she was coming over, too,” Micah said to Lux. She didn’t look at Tobyn.

  Lux picked out one last color, a deep indigo, before she answered. “Noelle had to help at the restaurant again. And are we really not going to talk about the anniversary?”

  Micah didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. “Maybe I’ll paint Ty,” she said, more to herself than to Lux or Tobyn, but they allowed the shift in conversation.


  “How are things going with you two?” Tobyn asked, grinning. “Still making out when no one’s looking?”

  “Yeah,” Micah said. She couldn’t help but smile. “And I’ve been thinking about maybe doing more.”

  “No way,” said Tobyn. Her mouth fell open. “Really? This would be your first time, right?”

  Micah nodded.

  “What does Ty think?”

  “He’s considering it,” Micah said. “He’s worried about us getting caught, but I think he wants to as much as I do.”

  “Church kids,” Lux said, shaking her head. “I swear. You guys talk about virginity so much, but you’re freakier than all the kids I know combined.”

  “Oh, shut up,” Micah said. Lux was still the new girl, having transferred to Augusta Savage School of the Arts in the middle of junior year. After she’d been caught lying to them about why she’d transferred, she apologized in a way only a Flyy Girl would: with a pretty epic prank. Now Lux was one of them.

  “What we really should be talking about,” Lux said, “is the senior prank we need to plan.”

  Tobyn nodded, agreeing. “But if we talk about that without Noelle, she’d murder us.”

  “You’re not wrong,” Micah said. “So let’s wait until all four of the Flyy Girls are together.”

  “Speaking of girls, how’s that girl of yours doing, Tobyn?” Lux said, and Tobyn told them about the latest fight she and her girlfriend, Ava, had. When Lux chimed in about Emmett, a guy she liked, Micah was so relieved. Because as the girls talked about their own crushes and how unfair it was to have to do their senior project during their summer vacations, all mentions of the dark upcoming anniversary were left behind.

  * * *

  That night, Micah came home to an empty apartment. She dropped her things by the door and headed down the hall to a room no one in her family entered very often. The door creaked slowly open and Micah stood in the doorway for a second before stepping inside.